Have you ever watched a professional make pizza? They start by tossing a smooth ball of dough in the air. Then with the back of their hands, they slowly and rhythmically stretch it out into an almost perfectly round pizza crust. They make it look so easy. For some reason, when I began making bread from scratch, that pizza dough is what I envisioned, yet it did not become my reality.
Early on, my goal in baking bread was to make something healthy we could use for sandwiches. So Tony surprised me with a cookbook that would teach me how to make good tasting whole wheat and whole grain breads. I was ecstatic.
I spent a few days reading the first third of the book, in which I learned all about whole wheat flour and how best to bake with it. Then, I prepared to make my first loaf of bread. I gathered all my ingredients, and weighed them out. The day before baking, I soaked my grains in milk. Then I made a small amount of yeasted dough that would rise in the fridge overnight. Everything seemed to be going smoothly—until the next day.
When I mixed all of the ingredients together, things got tricky. I expected that with a little stirring and some kneading, everything would come together to form a soft, flexible dough (like the pizza dough). What I got instead was a mess. As I combined all of the ingredients in the bowl, they quickly became hard to stir. So, I went in with both hands to try and knead it. But the dough seemed to stick more to my hands than it did to itself. So I scraped it off my hands, rinsed them with water (to further prevent sticking), and tried again. It was turning into a longer and messier process than I anticipated, and—
I couldn’t help but wonder if I had done something wrong.
Isn’t this what we all wonder when things don’t go the way we expect? We think either we did something wrong, or we’re trying something we shouldn’t even be trying. It is at this very messy—sometimes even scary—point we consider giving up. The outcome looks bleak, and we can’t imagine how things could possibly work out. We forget all the reasons why we started in the first place, and we begin to sense the cold feeling of failure in our chest.
But what if that scary, messy middle place where everything seems to be coming a part—what if, it is normal? What if it is a normal, unavoidable part of doing anything that is new to us? What if it is a part of God’s way of asking us if we really want what we’re working for? And instead, some of us are letting fear win, and we’re just giving up?
That day, hands covered in dough, I began to worry that I was going to waste all of the ingredients and that the dough would not come together. So I did the only thing I knew to do: I added a little more flour in hopes that it would dry things up a bit. Then I kept kneading until the mess of goo became a ball of dough. It wasn’t smooth like pizza dough, but it had come together. I wasn’t sure how it was going to bake, but I decided to see things through to the end. The bread came out pretty good for my first try.
Now, years later I have made that same recipe more times than I can count. In fact I have even taught a few friends and women I mentor how to make bread, using that same recipe. And every time we get to the point where things get messy, I say:
“Don’t worry, that’s normal.”
This part of making bread has taught me that the scary, messy middle is an important part of life. It is a non-negotiable in doing anything that is of value. So when I want or feel called to do things that seem SO scary, I remember the feeling of sticky not-yet-bread-dough on my hands, and I tell myself, “This is normal.” It is normal to be scared and for the journey to be anything but smooth.
Today, if you are in the middle of doing something new, something wonderful, and yet something that has you petrified—I am here to tell you “This is normal.” It is ok to be afraid. And it’s ok if things are messy. Just don’t give up. Don’t let go of the thing you know you need to do.
What is your messy middle right now?
What has you feeling to afraid to go on?
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I have a recipe for cookie bars that gets really icky looking in the middle. I only make the recipe once a year, and I used to get scared every time I got to that part that I had ruined the cookie bars, forgetting what had happened the year before. I finally wrote on the recipe itself, “It’s ok that it looks bad here. Keep going–it’ll come together!” I hadn’t thought about how that can relate to my life! I think I will now!
I have that problem with once-a-year recipes too! In SO many things we need that reminder that it is normal when things are messy!
This is the kind of thing I naturally don’t have patience for! But plowing through the normal mess brings great rewards. I just need to work on the patience of the in-between 🙂
Don’t we all, Tiffany!
Wow! This is something I can totally relate too. For the past couple of months I have been asking myself and crying out to God have I done something wrong am I in the right place because things have not been going the way I planned. But God must have a sense of humor because he reminds of how it’s all in his hands and his plan is far greater than anything I could plan out. Thank goodness God is so faithful to us and helps us in the messy middle part of life.